Sparring

I’ve always wondered why God pushes some people, not all, but some people, right on the edge of breaking their resolve. It just seems unfair from a human perspective. But if you’ve known me even for a short while, I think, at least once, you’ve heard me saying, “God hasn’t tricked us into believing Him!” and I always quote Isaiah 45:19, “I did not speak in secret, in a land of darkness; I did not say to the offspring of Jacob, ‘Seek me in vain.’ I the LORD speak the truth; I declare what is right.”

So, if God hasn’t tricked me into trusting Him for this life and the next, then what is going on? Why do some people pray for something, and they get an instant answer and it seems that nothing ever shakes them very much, while others always seem to get a door shut in their face and silence. Oh, the silence!

From a human perspective, in an age where everything is about positive reinforcement, it boggles the mind, why a loving God would not lovingly run to the rescue for every scrape and cut that a child of His happens to suffer. I mean, if you profess to love someone, you treasure them. And what do you do with treasured things? You hide them in special places where no heathen can lay a hand on them! Everything we value as humans has layers upon layers of protection, whether it’s our virtual or physical treasures. We have antiviruses and VPNs on our computers, we have passwords and security checks for our bank, we have life insurance, health insurance, and just in case we travel, travel insurance, we have alarms for our homes, fences, locks, etc. You get the point. So, when God doesn’t act the same way with His treasures, we feel like we’ve been deceived. We start thinking, ‘how is this even love?’

I’ll let you in on a little secret, we hide the things we love because we are afraid of losing them or something harming them, but God has no such fears. “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” (1 John 4:18)

His lack of fear allows Him to love perfectly. He knows what He’s doing. And when He works inside a human heart, He knows better than the heart itself how strong or weak that work is. He doesn’t need to test something to gather information about it, but He does test it to reveal it to the heart in question. I always estimate my own faith and understanding and love much higher than it is in reality. And then a test comes, and God reveals me to myself. Let me tell you, it’s a very humbling experience.

In the high of my love for God, when nothing troubles me, I always pipe up like Peter, “Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death.” (Luke 22:33) And He knows that I really think I mean it. But so that I won’t trust in anything other than Him, not even my own righteousness or professed love, He must reveal me to myself. I am happy to report that the tests have not always revealed the coward in me. Sometimes, and I confess, it’s less times than I’d like, the tests revealed that my love was stronger than I thought, and my theories, not just nice words I say to sound spiritual. I treasure those tests, because only God knows I went into them fully prepared to be defeated, yet His grace was sufficient for me.

When God sees strength in my heart, regardless how much I dislike it, God sees a good sparring partner in that. The wimp inside me, cowers and feels like God Himself is against me and in a sense He is. But I’ve learned to distinguish between training and real fight. In training I know I’m not in any actual mortal danger although often times the training is much more brutal than the real fight. But God will not send me into actual danger with a dull blade or a broken shield. If I am too slow to draw, He will press that weakness until I overcome it. If I favour a certain fighting stance, He will come at me from a point where I will learn to adapt and perfect another fighting stance. I haven’t yet been able to overcome Him in a wrestling match like Jacob (Genesis 32:24-32) but I am not giving up.

At any rate, I don’t want to be a sparring partner of Jacob’s calibre but of the Canaanite woman that went to Jesus as described in Matthew 15. I don’t believe in all of Jesus’ ministry have I seen a stronger human in an encounter with God.

She is not Jewish or even a Samaritan, she’s of Greek origin if we consider Mark’s gospel. She had no business going and asking God for a favour, but she not only goes but she cries out after Him. First round on her. (Matthew 15:22) And Jesus doesn’t say a word (Matthew 15:23). He completely ignores her. Second round on Him. His disciples get embarrassed that she’s yelling after them, so they go and beg Him to send her away. She’s persistent in the face of His aloofness and unspoken refusal to even acknowledge her. Third round on her. Then He says words that no one begging for favour wants to hear, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” (Matthew 15:24) In other words, ‘you don’t even have the right to ask anything of Me’. Round four on Jesus. You’d think it’s game over. But this woman is no ordinary human. With all the odds against her, and even the Son of God looking at her and saying ‘NO’ doesn’t scare her! Her faith and despair know no bounds. Instead of going away offended, she comes and bows before Him, “Lord, help me.” (Matthew 15:25) Fifth round on her. (Yes, I am keeping score!) “And he answered, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” (Matthew 15:26) Surely that must have hurt. It’s one thing for a mortal, ANY mortal to call you whatever names, but when LOVE looks at you and says that, surely that’s game over. Sixth round on Him. This woman, in a Rocky Balboa style comeback, when everything seems pointless, gives the finishing K.O., She said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” (Matthew 15:27) In other words, ‘If I am not worthy to be considered a human being, fine, then I’m a dog, but masters care for their dogs, so I’ll take the crumbs that fall of Your table!’ And Jesus is charmed. Whenever I read that passage, I can feel His joy and He gallantly, admits defeat, “O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” (Matthew 15:28)

Not everybody went through what this woman went through while asking something from Jesus. But when God sees a worthy opponent, He delights to spar with their faith because what if there is a champion inside that troubled heart that is just desperate enough to overcome The Son of God with their faith and resilience.

Am I saying that it’s easy? Absolutely not. Be prepared to be humbled more than anyone else, to the point where others will intercede for you to just go away. Be prepared to get several ‘no’s from God Himself. Be prepared to feel like there’s no dignity left for you as a human being at all. Be prepared for your own senses to rebel against you and pressure you to stop because surely begging like this is beneath you. But if You’re consistent enough, humble enough and trust His heart enough, He will end up conceding defeat in front of your despair, faith and persistence.

 by Cristina Pop