All my springs are in You

 I have moments when out of the blue I just feel depleted of all resources. It's not due to any specific circumstances or events I just find myself running on empty. Maybe a more introspective person than myself could easily tell you the string of mental gymnastics that lead them to that place, not I. Even after 22 years of walking with The Lord, I still stop there dumbfounded by the realization, 'I have no strength!' and then I panic and I start questioning everything from if the sky is really blue to 'do I really like coffee or have I just convinced myself I do'. I am happy to report the crisis never lasts long, but it happens. Now, if I were a psychologist I'd be able to explain it as an identity crisis brought on by triggers that my subconscious mind suppresses, but I am not a psychologist and regardless of that, when I am in the thick of things I really don't care for explanations. It suffices for me to understand that I am in a desert with no water in sight. Due to the fact that I am not just in a desert place, but I am even being dramatic about it, I always tell God, 'I feel like Hagar again, help...' That's a secret code between the Lord and I. It sums up a multitude of things and I know He understands and never fails to help. Why Hagar? Well, I love Hagar.
She has a bad reputation in Christian minds not in small parts thanks to Apostle Paul's little symbolism in Galatians 4:22-31. Be that as it may, I still love Hagar and when I shall be with The Lord, she'll be among those that I shall beg the honor to go embrace.
She was an Egyptian slave given to Sarai (later Sarah) as a gift after a little excursion she and Abram (later Abraham) took to Egypt (Genesis 12). It couldn't have been easy to leave everything familiar to her and go follow a new people and a new God, but she did. I know she followed God by the simple fact that God went to speak to her twice and not just that, but He did something He never did for any other woman in the Old Testament, He called her by her name every time, like He did with Abraham, with Jacob, with Moses and only with those dear to Him. There must have been something about her that The Lord felt really protective about.
Hagar's name means flight or forsaken and her name never gets changed into anything else like Sarah's or Abraham's names got changed. Yet, God was not ashamed to call her by her name. She was what she was, prone to flight, prone to pride for no good reason (Genesis 16:4), rebellious, forsaken... imperfect in every possible way. Still, God follows her closely.
She's submitting to Sarai, whom she's not very pleased with and when she can't hide her derision, her mistress mistreats her to the point where she does what she knows best, she runs away. God runs after her and finds her in the desert next to a spring (Genesis 16:7). She doesn't hide the reason for her flight. She's told to go back and submit to her mistress (Genesis 16:9) and then gets a promise worthy of the great men of the Scriptures. She's not afraid or surprised that God comes to her. She doesn't panic like greater people saying, 'I have seen The Lord, I will die!' Almost like she's used to it which always makes me wonder. And as if all that wasn't enough, she gives God a Name, as if she's entitled to, El Roi — God Sees — “So Hagar gave this name to the LORD who had spoken to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “Here I have seen the One who sees me!”(Genesis 16:13). The first human to see the One who sees. God doesn't say, 'you think you've seen', nor 'you're confused, you know nothing about Me”... no. He accepts her assertion that she has seen Him as He has seen her.
Years pass, Hagar's child, Ishmael grows, but they're no longer welcome in their masters' house, so they are sent away with a pitcher of water and some bread. Hagar goes into the desert again. Her meager supplies run out and her child and herself are about to die. She doesn't want to watch her son die, so she lays him under a bush, and she goes a little way off and begins to wail. I can only assume she was calling to

God because the text doesn't say that, only that God shows up again. This time He calls out from heaven (Genesis 21:17) He reiterates His promise made to her concerning the fate of her child and then my favorite part, He opens her eyes, and she sees a spring of water, and she can revive her child. (Genesis 21:19) God continued to be faithful to His Own word and has been with the child and this child grew and thrived in the desert.
I feel kinship with Hagar. I hate the desert but I keep finding myself in it. Not because God leads me there, He leads me to green pastures (Ps. 23) but I am prone to run. And for some reason I always run towards the desert. Sometimes God finds me next to a spring like in Hagar's first flight, but other times I am so overcome by the desert that I am blind to any possible spring. God has to come every single time and open my eyes that ,“All my springs are in Him.” (Psalm 87:7).
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca (Weeping) they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.” (Psalm 84:5-6)
I might find myself in the desert many times. But The God that calls me by name is trekking my every step. I may wail in the place I find myself because I see no spring, but He will wipe away my every tear and turn it into springs. After all, I see The One who sees me and it's impossible to look at Him and not see a spring.

by Cristina Pop

Ramblings

 Yesterday we (myself, my sister and brother-in-law) were walking on this road in the woods, and we came upon a field that had been rained on the night before. My sister was off somewhere and I pointed to Daniel how weird it looked that the rain and wind managed to lay to the ground most of the grass whilst leaving patches of it untouched. It looked strange. And this poem by Robert Frost came to mind,

“The rain to the wind said,
'You push and I'll pelt.'
They so smote the garden bed
That the flowers actually knelt,
And lay lodged--though not dead.
I know how the flowers felt.“ (Lodged, Robert Frost)

I kept thinking about a great many things while we kept walking. I ended up going in circles in my head and debating myself like a crazy person. I was comparing myself to that grass imagining myself in a field I did not choose, but alas I was there. I have busied myself the best I knew how to grow in every possible way, both as a human and as a child of God. Some sheep came from time to time and munched off my tips, but here I am, still a blade of grass. And suddenly, without rhyme or apparent reason, comes the storm. Both wind and rain combine their strength which is enough to topple rocks and carve them if need be, and they proceed to come down on my little blade of grass. And I know I can't win. It's no contest. I know how to brave the wind on its own. I know how to withstand the rain on its own, but when they join forces to make a storm, I'm a joke in their path. I can do all the dancing in the world in the wind but it's no use when rain pelts down on me at the same time. My roots can only go so deep. A child could pull me out if he felt so inclined. When winds (circumstances) form an alliance with rain (my flesh) and their attack lasts long enough and frequent enough it can lay me flat on my face in the best case scenario and can destroy me in the worst case scenario. So what's the point really?
I kept walking very sullen carrying all these things in my heart and then I remembered The Lord. If you consider all that and don't include Him in the equation, it is pretty pointless. But because He is in the equation, that changes everything. With Him in the picture I am not just a blade of grass lost in a field full of grass, just a face lost in the crowd without anything distinguishing it from the rest. To Him, every blade of grass is of utmost significance. It says in the Talmud, Mid rash Rabbi, Bereishit 6:10 “Said Rabbi Simon: 'Every single blade of grass has a corresponding angel in the sky which hits it and tells it to grow." Continuing it says how much more is it true for humans made in the image of God. I am not interested for the purpose of this article in the theology behind that statement, but in the sentiment it is trying to impart. Jesus said about the grass of the field, “Consider the lilies, how they grow: They do not labor, nor do they spin. But I say to you, not even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed as one of these. But if God thus clothes the grass in the field, being here today and tomorrow being thrown into the furnace, how much more you, O you of little faith!” (Luke 12:27-28)
Even If I had no value in the eyes of God more than a blade of grass, I'd still be more cared for than Solomon, the wise rich King. Yes, I might be at the mercy of the elements, being tossed and turned and pelted on until I have no choice but kneel, yet I serve a God that sees value in every fiber of my being.
“A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice.” (Isaiah 42:3) He is a God that honors resilience and rewards it. If I hang on even by the skin of my teeth He will not let go, for He cannot go back on His word.

“This is what the LORD says: “As when juice is still found in a cluster of grapes and people say, ‘Don’t destroy it, there is still a blessing in it,’ so will I do in behalf of my servants; I will not destroy them all.” (Isaiah 65:8)
I may be a frail little blade of grass in danger of falling over any minute, but He knows all this. Sometimes I feel guilty of even going through the storm in the first place, but the storms are not of my own choice. They come. Whether I want them to or not. And they can easily level me to the ground to the point I am drowned in the mud and it looks like I'll never rise again, but by His grace I'll stand.
I'll end this with a quote I have loved for years. It's from the movie, The Count of Monte Cristo: “Life is a storm. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout "Do your worst, for I will do mine!” 

 And what can you do, you ask? I'll abide in Him.

by Cristina Pop