Wings

 

Sometimes it’s so easy to wish to be somewhere else, anywhere else but where you find yourself in that precise moment. Like a naïve child you close your eyes shut, even squeeze them tight, with a mantra on your mind of, ‘make it stop, please make it stop’, only to open your eyes to the same reality. You end up echoing David’s words, “And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah.” (Psalm 55:6-7)

That’s a decisive place to be. Vacillating between fight or flight. It’s a choice you make in a matter of seconds. The enemy will use all the smoke and mirrors at his disposal to present the situation like the end. And you’ll fall for it more times you’ll care to admit. But this is where you either grow or mutate. Grow enough that the enemy will have to up his game next round. Or mutate. Into what? A mixture of longing and bitterness sprinkled with moments of loyalty, where you’ll even believe that you’re alright, only to fall back in the vortex. Never fully at peace, never fully a deserter.

You might choose flight. I have. Many times. Everybody’s flight looks different. In Hebrew, verse 6 of Psalm 55 is literally, ‘who will give me wings’. My answer to that question often is, ‘The Lord helps those that help themselves. If nobody will give me wings, I’ll just make some for myself!’ My wings are made of distractions. It hurts - I’ll watch a debate. It hurts – I’ll enter some inane argument about the 4 horses in Revelation. It hurts – I’ll fight with someone for their heretical views. It hurts – I’ll read and forget, I’ll dream myself away, anything, anything but be here. He promised to get me into a good land, with milk and honey and unicorns and rainbows and here I am before a raging sea and an army at my back! What kind of plan is this?! – Shameful, I know. The worst part is that if I allow myself to get into that mindset, I grow all sorts of bits that need pruning, and in His eternal mercy and grace, He still works on me.

Having said all that, there’s always the option to stay and fight. Everything inside you will rebel at the thought. You’re aware there’s nothing to fight with. You’re drained just by acknowledging that the situation is upon you, let alone tackle it in any constructive way. But you believe and you hope that if you stay right in the eye of the storm, The One that brought you here, will make a way. I’m not gonna lie, this option is the most painful way. To sit there and take every punch and all you have is promises, will make you feel like the biggest loser ever. But I can tell you this, the punches won’t kill you and if you stand your ground, trusting The One that made you those promises, you’ll see the beauty of God coming through for you. All you need to see is ONE bear killed, ONE lion’s jaw torn apart to make you unmoved in your conviction that, “The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”  (1 Samuel 17:37) God doesn’t allow the bear to attack you because He wants to destroy you, but because He’s preparing you to face giants with a slingshot and not be afraid. He doesn’t let you to sleep out in the field, guarding the sheep because He doesn’t want you to enjoy comfort, but because He’s teaching you how to survive in the wild when you’ll be running for your life from a Saul or Achish or even an Absalom.

I know it would be nice to know the exact purpose for your present pain, but not knowing is part of the blessing. It’s your opportunity to go against your nature and trust. Against all hope, against all common sense. He never lied and He won’t start with you. Just hang in there and command your soul to stop shaking. This too will pass. And at the end of this, there’s The Lord. Be strong and courageous!

 

by Cristina Pop

Antithesis

 

The fact that a man/woman loyal to the One True God is perishing, suffering, lacking, isn’t a sign that they are no better off than God’s enemies. Abundance, health, even life, are not
necessarily a sign of God’s favour. “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” (Galatians 6:7-8)

I know people seldomly understand. They judge with eyes of flesh and hearts filled with darkness and they feel justified to conclude my God is impotent and useless because I look beaten. They think they have it good in life because of their daily positive affirmations, because they cleanse their karma and they meditate often and I, with my narrow view and antiquated rules and ideas am just missing the point. They are evolved while I am primitive. They are enlightened while I am still hanging on to superstitious nonsense. They are positive while I am negative. They are constantly growing while I am stuck. It sure looks that way. But I am not concerned with what it looks like. My Redeemer looked like an impostor to the people He came to save. They took The Lord of Life and killed Him. If people were blind when it came to Him, do you think it’s abnormal that people are just as blind when it comes to His followers?

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates me hates my Father also.” (John 15:18-23)

“This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me.” (1Corinthians 4:1-4)

I have never been silent about The Truth. To the best of my ability, I have always told it to anyone I could. Sometimes without wisdom, sometimes without tact, sometimes without compassion, sometimes in anger, but that doesn’t make The Truth less truthful. It just makes me a very imperfect servant in need of more grace than anyone else alive.

I will probably continue to look very unsuccessful until The Lord takes me home. I will probably continue to annoy some with my stubbornness and be the subject of gossip and psychoanalysis of every unfortunate soul that needs a box to put me in. But for my part, by the grace of God, I will continue to point you to Him, who can and will save your soul if you trust in Him.

"The righteous man perishes, and no one lays it to heart; devout men are taken away, while no one understands.

For the righteous man is taken away from calamity; he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness.

But you, draw near, sons of the sorceress, offspring of the adulterer and the loose woman.

Whom are you mocking? Against whom do you open your mouth wide and stick out your tongue? Are you not children of transgression, the offspring of deceit, you who burn with lust among the oaks, under every green tree, who slaughter your children in the valleys, under the clefts of the rocks?

Among the smooth stones of the valley is your portion; they, they, are your lot; to them you have poured out a drink offering, you have brought a grain offering.

 Shall I relent for these things? On a high and lofty mountain, you have set your bed, and there you went up to offer sacrifice.

Behind the door and the doorpost, you have set up your memorial; for, deserting me, you have uncovered your bed, you have gone up to it, you have made it wide; and you have made a covenant for yourself with them, you have loved their bed, you have looked on nakedness.

You journeyed to the king with oil and multiplied your perfumes; you sent your envoys far off, and sent down even to Sheol.

You were wearied with the length of your way, but you did not say, “It is hopeless”; you found new life for your strength, and so you were not faint.

Whom did you dread and fear, so that you lied, and did not remember me, did not lay it to heart?

Have I not held my peace, even for a long time, and you do not fear me?

I will declare your righteousness and your deeds, but they will not profit you.

When you cry out, let your collection of idols deliver you!  The wind will carry them all off, a breath will take them away.

But he who takes refuge in me shall possess the land and shall inherit my holy mountain.

And it shall be said, “Build up, build up, prepare the way, remove every obstruction from my people's way.”

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy:

“I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

For I will not contend forever, nor will I always be angry; for the spirit would grow faint before me, and the breath of life that I made.

Because of the iniquity of his unjust gain, I was angry, I struck him; I hid my face and was angry, but he went on backsliding in the way of his own heart.

I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will lead him and restore comfort to him and his mourners, creating the fruit of the lips. Peace, peace, to the far and to the near,” says the Lord, “and I will heal him.

But the wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot be quiet, and its waters toss up mire and dirt.

There is no peace,” says my God, “for the wicked.” (Isaiah chapter 57)

 by Cristina Pop

Hope

 

There are many awful feelings one can feel, but I think none of them does so much damage to one’s soul as feeling forgotten. That’s the closest point to giving up because it drains you out of every ounce of hope. And hope is up there with faith and love to keep one going in life.

 For a child of God, one for whom all his/her springs are in God (Psalm 87:7) meaning that everything good and lovely has its roots and foundation in the Person of God, when they reach the valley of feeling forgotten by God, their whole world gets dark. All their mechanisms for coping are in God, there’s nothing else they can draw on. Unhealthy? Probably from a humanistic perspective, but not from a Kingdom perspective. God has ruined us forever towards this world. Nothing else will do, except Him. That’s our strongest feature and our worst weakness. How? Well, all the enemy must do to incapacitate us is to convince us that God has forgotten all about us. All he has to do is make us doubt God’s love for us. He will allow us to continue to think God is holy, and sure He cares for His obedient children, so logically, you’re forgotten because you’re a mess. He would act on behalf of a righteous person, but you? He barely tolerates you in general, now that you’re in a valley, He can’t even stand to look at you. Sounds familiar?

I wish I could say, I recognize his lies from miles away and I never fall for them, but sadly no matter how much I train for it, I still fall. Yes, it gets really dark at times. Luckily, I serve The One for whom even the darkness is not dark; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with Him. (Psalm 139:12) He didn’t just send us as lambs amid wolves, He gave us His Spirit and He is the One reminding us of everything we’ve learned in daylight. “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” (John 14:26)

Today I remembered Rahab. She had the worst job and lived in the worst place on earth. There were many places that God wanted destroyed in the land of Canaan, but none came close to the awfulness of Jericho if its epic demise is anything to go by. And there this woman lived. Meaningless existence, day in and day out. A woman with no future. Yet in between many moments she’d rather forget forever, she keeps hearing stories about this nation of slaves from Egypt, whom God, The Only God, has freed and was leading them through the desert towards her land. And this God was so committed to these ex-slaves that He had defeated every enemy that came against them. And Rahab dreams what it would be like to be so loved and so protected. She imagines what it must be like to find favour in the eyes of such a God. But they’re just stories. And she continues her meaningless existence, and the stories keep multiplying. Years go by and she’s long given up her silly dreams. Now she’s just scared because in His determination to do good to His people, this God is bent to destroy everything in His way. And she’s not stupid, she knows she’s in His way too. And then out of nowhere, on a day just like all the other meaningless days before, two men come in her home. They’re Israelites. They’re spies. They’re on the run. She knows she’s in danger just for letting them inside her house, but they’re His people. She looks at them trying to find outstanding features that would make The Most High God so attached to them. But they’re normal people. They have eyes and hands and feet like everybody else. It makes no sense. She’s always thought one would have to be some superhuman to attract that kind of love and devotion. But if they’re normal, maybe then there’s hope even for her… Impossible. She decides to hide them. She lies to save their lives and then she asks them to spare her family. She doesn’t beg for herself, but for those she loves. She asks them to swear to her by The Name of God. They do, so she lets them down from the city wall with a rope. The word chebel in Hebrew can mean rope, but also great pain or ruin. (Joshua 2:15) The spies recognize what it means for her to know she will be killed and still save them. So, they tell her to tie the rope to her window so they will recognize her house and spare them. When they use the word rope, they use the word tikvat in Hebrew (Joshua 2:18), and if anyone is familiar with Israel’s national anthem, Ha Tikvah (the hope) they know tikvat means hope. Where she used despair to save them, they saw hope. The spies return and Jericho falls. The spies save Rahab and her family, and she becomes a part of the people of God. (Joshua 6:22-23) If one reads carefully through the account (Joshua ch. 2-6) it’s painfully obvious that the spies didn’t do anything else in Canaan. They didn’t have any James Bond mission, nor brought back any information that had any bearing whatsoever on the conquest. It’s almost as if God really, really wanted to save Rahab. What’s even better, Rahab marries Salmon, and she has a son, Boaz. She teaches him to be kind, and he will be kind, so kind that he will marry Ruth, a Moabite with no apparent future. Rahab will be in the line of king David and even better, Jesus The Messiah, Son of God.

You might be in an awful place right now. So awful that you know it’s going to end badly. You might not even dare to hope you’ll be spared. After all, you’re not some holy person. I’m not gonna lie, it might get very bad. God might not spare the Jericho you’re in, but the same God that spared the life of a prostitute from a place like Jericho, can surely spare you. Just trust Him. And hope…

 

by Cristina Pop