Inconspicuous

 

I was listening to Dr. Joshua Bowen’s deconstruction testimony. What’s deconstruction you ask? It is a phenomenon within American evangelicalism in which Christians rethink their faith and jettison previously held beliefs, sometimes to the point of no longer identifying as Christians.

Dr. Bowen was a very committed pastor that has spent most of his life preaching Christianity with the same passion he now preaches atheism. In his testimony he was sharing how he was accepted into John Hopkins for his doctorate in Sumerian studies, and he saw it as an opportunity to share the Gospel with the academicians. But things didn’t work out that way. By his own admission, it took him 45 minutes to deconstruct his faith. I thought “that’s absurd!” but kept on listening. At some point, to better illustrate the journey to his conclusion that The Scripture is all nonsense, he gave this little ‘parable’ of a married man that keeps coming home late. The wife asks him, ‘why are you coming home late every night?’ he answers that it’s for work. The wife doesn’t like the explanation, but she concludes it’s reasonable, so she takes it. Then he starts coming home both late and smelling of perfume. She gets more suspicious, but he reassures her that the colleague siting at the desk next to his puts on way too much perfume. She doesn’t buy it, but she thinks it’s possible, so she accepts his explanation. In a week he gets home late, smelling of perfume and with lipstick marks on the collar of his shirt. She confronts him and he answers that he had dinner with his mother, and she had tripped and fell on him and thus the lipstick marks on his shirt. She’s had enough. She’s no fool. The explanations are silly, and she decides to break it off. In Dr. Bowen’s mind that’s him and Christianity. The silly explanations Christianity had to the bigger questios just weren’t cutting it anymore when faced with better evidence for a different world view. Dr. Bowen then proceeds to berate the morality of a God he doesn’t believe in and wishes all Christians would wake up from this fantasy.

I have no problem with Dr. Bowen’s atheism. I have no issue with the happiness and freedom he finds in his belief in ‘non-belief’. I don’t subscribe to blind faith. I believe in careful investigation and weighing things until they either add up or they don’t. If that’s his truth, then so be it. What I do find issue with is that little story of his. I don’t believe Dr. Bowen realises that even in his parable, he chose to illustrate a relationship between two beings, not between a person and some inanimate object or some mathematical theorem. In a very tragic sense, I think he views himself as the poor wife that has been cheated on because he thinks God has somehow cheated. I think that’s truly sad. 

It's a little fantastical to me that a well educated, well read, well articulated person, can give up a whole belief system in 45 minutes. I am quite mediocre in my education, but still my first instinct when I hear a well constructed oposing argument, isn't to throw out every notion under the sun, but to go and look if there might be something I've missed while forming my opinions. I always asume the Truth is true no matter what, so if I feel lied to maybe I need to look deeper. In Dr. Bowen's case, he's not the only Christian scholar faced with akkadian writings, ugaritic texts and summerian studies. How come they haven't lost their faith while translating tablets and inscriptions? Why wasn't his first instinct to go look what they had to say? What minimalistic conviction do you have to posses in order to be shattered that fast?

I wish I could say that he’s a special case, an exception. There are hundreds like him out there. Their stories sound very similar. They’re all so disappointed and disillusioned with the whole notion of God and they all regret having wasted their time on this matter. You’d think they all suffered some immense tragedy that led them to their disenchantment, but no, most of them have just stumbled upon something they read or heard that rang very true within them and that’s that. God doesn’t exist. What’s more they think their assertion makes them brave. With a public announcement they’ve erased God, poof!

While I was listening to Dr. Bowen I kept seeing in my mind the apostle Paul while he was stating his case before Festus, King Agripa and Berenice in Acts 25, 26. Them with all their pomp and him smelling like only a caesarean jail can make you smell, in chains, trying to defend himself and his faith from accusations that were calling for his death. He was telling the truth, but this truth did nothing for them. He was a living illustration that the Truth can do nothing for you. Their world was a world where you have your little amulets and household gods and you do your little rituals and they reward you with health, money, love, luck. If one god doesn’t provide, no worries, there are a million others to appeal and one is bound to work. No need to suffer, and what kind of loving God would allow His protégé to end up in chains, in a dirty prison in Caesarea? No god worth his salt would just observe and do nothing while risking to lose your devotion.

Truth is there in front of you. You can sit on your throne and look down on it as much as you like. You might recoil from its modest apparel. It might look ridiculous in its chains and dirty clothes. Its appeals to your conscience might sound unsophisticated, but that’s because it’s not trying to impress you with its eloquence, but rather point you where to run for safety. That’s the tricky part, to recognize Truth. It’s not easy but start by looking for the humblest looking thing. Hint: it’s the only one not out to deceive you while everything else is.

“And Agrippa said to Paul, “In a short time would you persuade me to be a Christian?” And Paul said, “Whether short or long, I would to God that not only you but also all who hear me this day might become such as I am—except for these chains.”” (Acts 26:28-29)

By Cristina Pop

Keep going

 

I have these mental exercises I do, where I imagine myself in terrifying situations and test myself if I could, objectively not ideally, overcome them. I try not to lie to myself, I have failed too many times to put any confidence in my flesh, my self-discipline and “amazing skills”. I don’t know that these exercises do any good. I just have some control issues that gave me the ‘lovely’ delusion that if I’m not surprised by the prospect of doom and gloom, it will be less painful once it happens. Surprise: it’s not. I’m not a pessimist, I am just a lamb in wolf territory.

One of my favourite verses in Scripture is in Psalm 118:6, “The Lord is with me, I’m not afraid. What can man do to me?” I recite it a lot when I get startled. Why? Because I know what human cruelty is capable of and I also know what a coward I am. Startled, sure. Afraid? No. Not because the danger isn’t real. Not because, ‘I’ve got this’. But because The Lord is with me. Not like a pacifier that a child uses to stop crying, like a nice idea that gives one courage even if untrue. No. The fact that He’s with me changes everything. How? Because there’s literally nothing you can do to a child of God that will beat, crush or kill God out of him. Trust me, the world has tried. A child born of an imperishable seed (1Peter 1:23), that hasn’t come to put his trust in a doctrine, but in The Only One True Saviour, can’t be reasoned out of his faith. Children who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God (John 1:13) cannot be destroyed. What can you possibly do to them? Starve them? They know that man can live on more than bread alone (Deuteronomy 8:3; Matthew 4:4). Take away their possessions? They know not to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides (1Timothy 6:17). Mock them? Their King was mocked, do you think they would think it beneath them to suffer insults on His behalf? Beat and torture them? Burn them? Sure, they will scream, but they will know that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed (Romans 8:18). Their eyes are glued on Him that called them and shaped them, their King “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:2). His voice is still in their ears, gently whispering “This is the way, walk in it” (Isaiah 30:21). You might label them as irrational fools, slaves to an imagined morality, indoctrinated idiots, superstitious simpletons, they have thick skin. It’s nothing that they haven’t considered about themselves at least once in their new life. You’re right in thinking they are narrow minded because by necessity they must be. They’ve narrowed their field of vision to the path before them, forgetting what’s behind they keep on going, doubting themselves almost every step of the way. Falling more times than the world can count. But do you know why they keep going? Because on their path, the set of feet they follow looks like brass, as if they were burned in a furnace (Revelation 1:15) and they remember that The One that loves them hasn’t done so from a distant place. Hasn’t just sent letters of encouragement to them, but stepped into their fire and brought them out of it. They remember that no other love in this world would have loved them to ashes and back. So, they keep going. Mock away.

by Cristina Pop

Cherished

 

I need things to make sense to me so that I can have mental clarity. I expect that once I figured something out, then there will be no surprises. I hate surprises. If it’s an object, I read the instructions, if it’s a person I learn their language, if it’s an animal, I study its behavior until I can communicate. I don’t expect the coffee machine to cook, I don’t expect people to act beyond their capacity and I most certainly don’t expect my dog to levitate.  

When it comes to God, all that flies out the window. Read all you want, study His word, eat it, there will still be moments in your life when everything you know or think you know about God will leave you dumb and rocking yourself in a corner. If you reduce your whole world view to some law of attraction type of deal, then you’ll be sorely disappointed. If you think that everything is some quid pro quo, you do good and good will come your way and you do bad and bad will come your way, then you’re in for a surprise. Many times, you’ll do good and receive evil in return, unfairly and frustratingly, but it will happen. The same way you’ll
see wicked, evil people prosper and in defiance of everything you think you know. And you can scream with Ecclesiastes, ‘meaningless! Meaningless! All is meaningless!’ or you can allow room for exceptions.

Maybe because of my past experiences, I’ve learned not to be surprised at the bad. I’ve had my world torn apart enough times to almost expect it as a given. I stood before enough graves and on enough heaps of dung like Job mumbling to God, “Do not condemn me; let me know why you contend against me.” (Job 10:2) Only He never came to answer me, from a storm or otherwise. All that changes nothing, but my point is, pain and suffering make sense to me because of the world that we live in. What doesn’t make sense to me at all is God’s kindness and mercy. That throws me off every time.

An omnipotent Being, omnipresent and omniscient, defied by His own creatures. To me that’s mind-boggling. Why? Because when you have the ability to erase something out of existence with a mere thought their very existence proves His love. That unless there’s kindness directed towards said creatures, they would simply cease to exist. He wouldn’t have to go though the trouble of putting a gun to my head, it would be enough to stop thinking of me with love and it would be like I never existed. So no, He doesn’t just suffer me, He thinks of me with kindness. And I can accept that as long as I think I’m useful to Him. Like of course He’s pleased with me when I am obedient but as soon as I think I’ve disappointed Him, I expect distance. Punishment. That’s not as a result of anything He’s done, it’s the way this world has conditioned me to react. At a rational level I understand that a car crash doesn’t happen because I missed Church on Sunday, cancer doesn’t happen because I fail to have a prayer routine and mothers don’t die because I skipped a devotional, but at an emotional level you still pick holes in your soul to blame yourself for things outside your control. The enemy is sneaky like that. I still have a billion unknowns about God, but I know God is not like that. Then one might ask, then what is He like? I’ll tell you: LOVE. He’s more, much more than that, but He’s not less. Everything He does and thinks is moved by that.

When Adam and Eve were rebelling in the garden and instead of crying their sin, they were more concerned to hide their shame, God made them clothes so they wouldn’t feel naked in His presence (Genesis 3:21). When Cain killed his brother Abel and tried to hide it and then complained about his harsh sentence, God gave Him a sign to protect him (Genesis 4:15). When humanity defiled itself so much that it grieved God to His heart (Genesis 6:6) He provided a way for salvation in the form of an ark. When Abraham was busy lying to Abimelech and endangering his whole household, God was calling Abraham His prophet (Genesis 20:7). When Jacob was shaking with fear of his brother whom he had deceived and cheated, God met with Jacob, wrestled him out of his fear, then blessed him (Genesis 32). While Aharon was making a golden calf for the people of Israel to worship instead of God who took them out of Egypt, God was in the process of giving Moses instruction about Aharon’s priestly garments that he would later wear (Exodus 28:2-4). While Moses forfeited his right to enter the promised land, God still showed it to him from afar (Deuteronomy 32:49-52). While Israel was sinning against God, God was busy preparing judges for them to save them from their enemies. When Samson betrayed his vow to God and got shaven and lost all his power, God made his hair grow back (Judges 16:22). When the army of Israel was cowering in fear before the Philistines and their giant champion, God sent them a boy to crush his head with a river stone and a sling (1 Samuel 17:50) I could go on and on about God’s heart in the face of human failure but none would speak more than what happened at the cross, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) While we were still in rebellion, while we hated Him and wanted nothing to do with Him. Not when we cleaned up our act, not when we merited atonement, not when we were obedient. While we were busy making our idols and worshiping everything and anything else (Isaiah 44:9-20), He was loving us, “Remember these things, O Jacob, and Israel, for you are my servant; I formed you; you are my servant; O Israel, you will not be forgotten by me. I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist; return to me, for I have redeemed you.” (Isaiah 44:21-22)

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:31-39)

by Cristina Pop