Wings

 

Sometimes it’s so easy to wish to be somewhere else, anywhere else but where you find yourself in that precise moment. Like a naïve child you close your eyes shut, even squeeze them tight, with a mantra on your mind of, ‘make it stop, please make it stop’, only to open your eyes to the same reality. You end up echoing David’s words, “And I say, “Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; Selah.” (Psalm 55:6-7)

That’s a decisive place to be. Vacillating between fight or flight. It’s a choice you make in a matter of seconds. The enemy will use all the smoke and mirrors at his disposal to present the situation like the end. And you’ll fall for it more times you’ll care to admit. But this is where you either grow or mutate. Grow enough that the enemy will have to up his game next round. Or mutate. Into what? A mixture of longing and bitterness sprinkled with moments of loyalty, where you’ll even believe that you’re alright, only to fall back in the vortex. Never fully at peace, never fully a deserter.

You might choose flight. I have. Many times. Everybody’s flight looks different. In Hebrew, verse 6 of Psalm 55 is literally, ‘who will give me wings’. My answer to that question often is, ‘The Lord helps those that help themselves. If nobody will give me wings, I’ll just make some for myself!’ My wings are made of distractions. It hurts - I’ll watch a debate. It hurts – I’ll enter some inane argument about the 4 horses in Revelation. It hurts – I’ll fight with someone for their heretical views. It hurts – I’ll read and forget, I’ll dream myself away, anything, anything but be here. He promised to get me into a good land, with milk and honey and unicorns and rainbows and here I am before a raging sea and an army at my back! What kind of plan is this?! – Shameful, I know. The worst part is that if I allow myself to get into that mindset, I grow all sorts of bits that need pruning, and in His eternal mercy and grace, He still works on me.

Having said all that, there’s always the option to stay and fight. Everything inside you will rebel at the thought. You’re aware there’s nothing to fight with. You’re drained just by acknowledging that the situation is upon you, let alone tackle it in any constructive way. But you believe and you hope that if you stay right in the eye of the storm, The One that brought you here, will make a way. I’m not gonna lie, this option is the most painful way. To sit there and take every punch and all you have is promises, will make you feel like the biggest loser ever. But I can tell you this, the punches won’t kill you and if you stand your ground, trusting The One that made you those promises, you’ll see the beauty of God coming through for you. All you need to see is ONE bear killed, ONE lion’s jaw torn apart to make you unmoved in your conviction that, “The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”  (1 Samuel 17:37) God doesn’t allow the bear to attack you because He wants to destroy you, but because He’s preparing you to face giants with a slingshot and not be afraid. He doesn’t let you to sleep out in the field, guarding the sheep because He doesn’t want you to enjoy comfort, but because He’s teaching you how to survive in the wild when you’ll be running for your life from a Saul or Achish or even an Absalom.

I know it would be nice to know the exact purpose for your present pain, but not knowing is part of the blessing. It’s your opportunity to go against your nature and trust. Against all hope, against all common sense. He never lied and He won’t start with you. Just hang in there and command your soul to stop shaking. This too will pass. And at the end of this, there’s The Lord. Be strong and courageous!

 

by Cristina Pop