All my springs are in You

 I have moments when out of the blue I just feel depleted of all resources. It's not due to any specific circumstances or events I just find myself running on empty. Maybe a more introspective person than myself could easily tell you the string of mental gymnastics that lead them to that place, not I. Even after 22 years of walking with The Lord, I still stop there dumbfounded by the realization, 'I have no strength!' and then I panic and I start questioning everything from if the sky is really blue to 'do I really like coffee or have I just convinced myself I do'. I am happy to report the crisis never lasts long, but it happens. Now, if I were a psychologist I'd be able to explain it as an identity crisis brought on by triggers that my subconscious mind suppresses, but I am not a psychologist and regardless of that, when I am in the thick of things I really don't care for explanations. It suffices for me to understand that I am in a desert with no water in sight. Due to the fact that I am not just in a desert place, but I am even being dramatic about it, I always tell God, 'I feel like Hagar again, help...' That's a secret code between the Lord and I. It sums up a multitude of things and I know He understands and never fails to help. Why Hagar? Well, I love Hagar.
She has a bad reputation in Christian minds not in small parts thanks to Apostle Paul's little symbolism in Galatians 4:22-31. Be that as it may, I still love Hagar and when I shall be with The Lord, she'll be among those that I shall beg the honor to go embrace.
She was an Egyptian slave given to Sarai (later Sarah) as a gift after a little excursion she and Abram (later Abraham) took to Egypt (Genesis 12). It couldn't have been easy to leave everything familiar to her and go follow a new people and a new God, but she did. I know she followed God by the simple fact that God went to speak to her twice and not just that, but He did something He never did for any other woman in the Old Testament, He called her by her name every time, like He did with Abraham, with Jacob, with Moses and only with those dear to Him. There must have been something about her that The Lord felt really protective about.
Hagar's name means flight or forsaken and her name never gets changed into anything else like Sarah's or Abraham's names got changed. Yet, God was not ashamed to call her by her name. She was what she was, prone to flight, prone to pride for no good reason (Genesis 16:4), rebellious, forsaken... imperfect in every possible way. Still, God follows her closely.
She's submitting to Sarai, whom she's not very pleased with and when she can't hide her derision, her mistress mistreats her to the point where she does what she knows best, she runs away. God runs after her and finds her in the desert next to a spring (Genesis 16:7). She doesn't hide the reason for her flight. She's told to go back and submit to her mistress (Genesis 16:9) and then gets a promise worthy of the great men of the Scriptures. She's not afraid or surprised that God comes to her. She doesn't panic like greater people saying, 'I have seen The Lord, I will die!' Almost like she's used to it which always makes me wonder. And as if all that wasn't enough, she gives God a Name, as if she's entitled to, El Roi — God Sees — “So Hagar gave this name to the LORD who had spoken to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “Here I have seen the One who sees me!”(Genesis 16:13). The first human to see the One who sees. God doesn't say, 'you think you've seen', nor 'you're confused, you know nothing about Me”... no. He accepts her assertion that she has seen Him as He has seen her.
Years pass, Hagar's child, Ishmael grows, but they're no longer welcome in their masters' house, so they are sent away with a pitcher of water and some bread. Hagar goes into the desert again. Her meager supplies run out and her child and herself are about to die. She doesn't want to watch her son die, so she lays him under a bush, and she goes a little way off and begins to wail. I can only assume she was calling to

God because the text doesn't say that, only that God shows up again. This time He calls out from heaven (Genesis 21:17) He reiterates His promise made to her concerning the fate of her child and then my favorite part, He opens her eyes, and she sees a spring of water, and she can revive her child. (Genesis 21:19) God continued to be faithful to His Own word and has been with the child and this child grew and thrived in the desert.
I feel kinship with Hagar. I hate the desert but I keep finding myself in it. Not because God leads me there, He leads me to green pastures (Ps. 23) but I am prone to run. And for some reason I always run towards the desert. Sometimes God finds me next to a spring like in Hagar's first flight, but other times I am so overcome by the desert that I am blind to any possible spring. God has to come every single time and open my eyes that ,“All my springs are in Him.” (Psalm 87:7).
“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. As they go through the Valley of Baca (Weeping) they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with pools.” (Psalm 84:5-6)
I might find myself in the desert many times. But The God that calls me by name is trekking my every step. I may wail in the place I find myself because I see no spring, but He will wipe away my every tear and turn it into springs. After all, I see The One who sees me and it's impossible to look at Him and not see a spring.

by Cristina Pop