Here

“In the LORD I take refuge; how can you say to my soul, “Flee like a bird to your mountain!”” (Psalm 11:1)

Lord, a thousand times a day I declare I trust You with the things I fear, only to have my thoughts wander back there a thousand times more. The enemy laughs at my feeble attempts to take my thoughts captive and bring them back in chains at Your feet. He mocks my faith and I am beginning to agree with him that it is a frail thing indeed. Then I remember I don’t have faith in my faith and it all gets a little bit better.

He tells me to run to my mountain… as if he’s concerned for my safety. He wants me to run into something, ANYTHING that might distract me. He knows my flesh is only too willing to run to that mountain. He counts on it. He uses smoke and mirrors and even sound effects to make me lose heart and run. “You’re exhausted, you deserve a break! That mountain is safe. It’s not like you’re going to be there forever, just until this passes, or life gets better or something better comes along, anything, but don’t stand here!”

I’ve run to that mountain many times before. I know its every nook and cranny. I know its ability to distract me, to make me fantasize about a better life, a better me, a better everything. It’s a mountain of illusions, nothing more, a place that can numb the heart and mind. My Master has found me many times wandering on that mountain or fallen in some ravine. I can’t blame the enemy for suggesting it since he knows that once I set foot on that mountain I’ll get lost on it for weeks, months… maybe years.

Lord, my Lord! I am here! I don’t even know where here is, but I am here! I am not running away. I hate this battle, I hate this fear, I hate this hate… But I’m not running. I never again want to hear You ask me, “Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labour for that which does not satisfy?” (Isaiah 55:2) I am not trading my precious things for illusions anymore, no matter how I dislike reality. You are my refuge! I’ll break this flesh to smithereens until its instinct will be to run towards You instead of that dreaded mountain!

Holy Father, In the Name of Your beloved Son Jesus, through Your Holy Spirit strengthen me! Help me! If this is to depend on my “great” determination, then all is lost. But I know that the things that are impossible for me are possible with You! (Matthew 19:26) Keep my feet steady… You see how they’re itching to run.

“For this reason, even though I suffer as I do, I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.” (2 Timothy 1:12)

by Cristina Pop