Discalimer

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Wednesday, November 23, 2022

Waiting

 My God and King, remember that I am dust. All that I am is before Your Holy eyes. My heart stutters inside me as it fights my mind. I grasp at every word You have said, and I believe. My Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. Look with kindness upon my weaknesses.  

It feels like a war rising against me and I spoke boldly in my time of peace. I have made loud declarations about how I will stand and fight because You train my hands for war. I have bragged about my courage. I have told others how to fight and now Lord, I am afraid. Forgive Your daughter’s cowardice. “When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant I was a brute beast before You. Yet I am always with You; You hold me by my right hand. 
 You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps 73:21-26)  

I do not waver in my faith. I know in Whom I have placed my trust. I am just afraid. Do not let me put to shame. Redeemer of my tears, strengthen my heart. Do not allow me to dishonour You. Remember I have walked faithfully in Your sight all my life. Do not allow my steps to falter now. Do not allow my hands to drop the sword. Just say a word and my soul will be uplifted. No, not even a word, a thought will do. A glance... I am Yours, “LORD Almighty, may those who hope in You not be disgraced because of me; God of Israel, may those who seek You not be put to shame because of me.” (Ps 69:6) 

I will fight, my King. I just need You to know I acknowledge that I am scared and unless You fight for me, this battle will be lost. Even as I say that I will not be another king Saul who got so scared that he broke Your will just to get help (1 Sam. 13). I am scared but not that scared.  

Plant my feet into Rock just do not let me run even if I am tempted to. You have fought greater battles than mine and won them all. So, I will wait for You, Lord. Just do not let my trembling offend Your Holy eyes. I hope in You, may Your will be done. 

 

by Cristina Pop 

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