Offended

I pay close attention to the words one says and those that are left unsaid in any given situation. Whether it's an article, a book, a speech, a conversation, you name it, I pay close attention. If the person I happen to talk to is boring I feel the need to flee immediately because I will listen to every word otherwise. Not my best move, but it happens. It can also be a problem because being attentive to every word does leave one more prone to take offense easily. I used to get offended every day. Sometimes several times a day. And when offended I attack. Not strategically, not cunningly, but a full frontal attack. It didn't even occur to me that maybe I misunderstood or was mistaken. There was no pause or deep breath, just instinct. Then one day this person I had a lot of respect for told me that any mature mind sees taking offense as a clear sign of insecurity and fear and that mine were screaming louder than anything they'd ever seen. That really offended me. I went home in a huff while playing and replaying their words in my head. By the time I reached home I just went down on my knees and begged for help because it hit me at once just what a sad, pathetic state I was in. So I decided to work on myself. And I did. Day after day for many years. I got better. I even got good at not taking offense. Then today, out of nowhere this well meaning brother basically called me a child and that if I ever want to reach his level of walking with God, I need to start 'lifting weights'. My first instinct was to point out all my guns towards him and obliterate the very soul inside him. I felt anger the likes of which I haven't felt since before Christ. I wanted to pull out a resume of all my accomplishments, to list all my credentials and to pour down the worst torrent known to humanity: a woman's wrath. But just as I was about to fire away, I felt The Lord sitting in front of this brother. Smiling. Daring me to give it my best shot. I felt ashamed. I still feel ashamed. I had forgotten for a moment that I was about to strike one of His Own. And for what? Because a brother didn't know me and still decided to issue an opinion? But I am doing that every single day. Because his assumption offended me? Like I don't do that. And who's this 'I' that he offended? I have decided long ago,

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss, because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order than I may gain Christ.” (Philippians 3:7-8)

Thank You, Lord, for always reminding me I don't belong to myself anymore.Thank You for never ceasing to catch me right before I break my head open. Thank You for not laughing at my haughtiness when I was thinking I am not easily offended anymore. Forgive this foolish child for her short memory. Don't give up on me, Lord, for You and I both know, I'll cut off my arm/tongue before hurting You.

by Cristina Pop