Liar, liar

I used to be a liar. Sometimes even now, against my will, I still lie. As you read those lines, do you feel a little stir of judgment? I am not worried. Keep reading.

There are all sorts of liars in this world. There are those that know the truth but choose to tell lies to other people for their own gain. Then there are those that are ignorant of the truth and without meaning to, they lie to others without intent. In both categories one can find liars that are more sophisticated in their lies and others which even a child can tell that they are lying. But the worst kind of liars are those that lie to themselves. Although I have lied to others intentionally and ignorantly as well, that is not why I used to be a liar. I lied most of all to myself. And there are all sorts of lies I used to tell myself. To name a few, 'I don't care what people think'. No person that doesn't care needs to iterate that, because you simply don't care. As soon as you need to announce it, you know it's a lie and in fact you care very much what people think. 'I don't need anyone, I can do this!' Even Elijah in the wilderness needed ravens to fly and bring him bread, everybody needs everything and everyone, but I was a liar, so I told myself I didn't. 'I don't like flowers!', when in fact I can spot one even if it happens to be alone under a bush and feel the need to go a take a picture of it. 'I want to be happy', when in fact nothing is stopping me from being happy now, not in some distant future when I might get whatever I think will make me happy. I used to be quite good at lying because I really believed all my lies.

I could continue with this list forever, but I still have some pride left and it won't let me confess all my sins here :)))

Fyodor Dostoevsky, in The Brother's Karamazov,makes father Zosima tell madame Hohlakov,

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”

That is why I won't lie to myself anymore. I want to love. A liar cannot love. So I had to stop lying in order to be able to love. Lies will always tell you people are unworthy of love, but Truth? Truth will always tell you, 'LOOK CLOSER!'

 

by Cristina Pop