Steadfast

 I have days when my soul is in rebellion against me. It goes after my faith, against my every resolve, against my hope. Nothing is off limits.
It used to scare me in the beginning but I have been on the battle field with it enough times to learn its strategy. But like Saul's evil spirit was quieted by David playing the harp, I've learned to quiet my doubts with His promises.

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise him For the help of his countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me: Therefore do I remember thee from the land of the Jordan, and the Hermons, from the Mount Mizar.” (Psalm 42:5-6)

From the land of Jordan, and from the Hermons, from Mizar — not quite in exile yet. The Holy Land is almost out of my view, but I still see Zion. My doubt is chasing me out of my hallowed place, but not quite.

“As with a crushing in my bones, mine adversaries taunt me; While they say unto me all the day: 'Where is Thy God?'
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise him For the help of his countenance.” (Psalm 42:10-11)

When you wait, not just for days, or weeks, or months, but years -- long, long years -- it's a bit of a battle to maintain the same enthusiasm and belief for the promises of God. Almost out of sheer self preservation the soul will scorn your hope. It feels cheated. Abandoned alone in a silly hope that maybe was never meant for it to begin with. I don't think disappointment is the right word for it. It morphs into something with sharp teeth and claws ready to shred you, your faith and even your God to nothing. Even so, “The LORD, who delivered me from the claws of the lion and the bear, will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17:37)
Unlike David killing his Goliath, I can't kill off my soul nor do I wish to. I know it loves God. So I have to sit there with it for a long while and whisper it again into love with God. Sometimes I have to start with 'be'reishit' — in the beginning, and go until I reach the 'amen' in Revelation before it relents. Other times all I have to do is call His Name out loud and my soul is won over. In my darkest moments nothing works, so I have to wrestle it, exhaust it until it cries uncle. Basically I do whatever it takes to make it submit. Why do I do that? Because that's all I have. The fight for God is all I've ever known. I'm not about to lose an inch to an unfulfilled dream or shattered hope. I've determined long ago that He's worth it. Whatever obstacles along the way that will disintegrate my barefoot feet --  I'll cut them off before I'll think it too high a price.
Is it because I'm stubborn that I'll make it? Never. It's because He promised! That if I just believe in Him, He'll take me back home. He made Himself a Way for me. He made Himself bread, so I won't starve on this journey. He made Himself water, so I won't thirst. He made Himself a Door for me, so that I would never knock without Him opening Himself up for me to enter. There's nothing that could have been done that He didn't do, just to have me. I have nothing to give Him. Never did, never will. But I can believe Him, and even that is His gift to me...

“His commitments are always kept. (…) We admire loyalty in people, and we can't imagine a God lacking loyalty. We can count on Him being as good as His word. It is said of Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher that when he was marching to help the Duke of Wellington battle Napoleon at Waterloo, his troops faltered. “It can't be done,” they said. “It must be done!” was his answer. “I have promised to be there — promised, do you hear? You would not have me break my word!” He was at Waterloo according to his word. He would not be hindered, for his promise was given. We praise such faithfulness. We would not think much of one who did not keep his word. Will The Lord God Almighty fail in His promise? No. He will move heaven and earth and shake the Universe rather than not fulfill His word. He seems to say, 'It must be done! I have promised — promised, you hear?!'
In order to keep His promise to us, He spared not His Own Son. He considered it better that Jesus die than the word of The Lord be broken. I say again, depend upon it! The Lord means what He says, and He will make good every syllable of His word.” - According to promise. Of salvation, life and eternity, by Charles H. Spurgeon

by Cristina Pop