The other day I have stumbled upon a quote by A. W. Tozer that I really liked,
“The word of God is quick and powerful. In the beginning He spoke to nothing, and it became something. Chaos heard it and became order, darkness heard it and it became light.”
It spoke to me personally. I felt like being pulled through a tunnel and there I was: the nothing. And in the beginning --my beginning-- The Creator, the Author and Finisher (Heb. 12:2) of all I am, spoke. He, The Word of God (John 1:1) came into my nothingness and hearing it my nothingness could do nothing else but become something. I became something. Whatever I am is not yet known to me, but I know that when I'll see Him I shall be like Him because I will see Him as He truly is. (1John 3:2) For now, I know I have become something that I have no words to define. Even when I wrote that sentence I could hear a hundred quasi-theologians only too eager to point out precisely what my 'something' is. Be that as it may, I refuse to give it a name. I have named my something many things in the past only to discover that it simply didn't fit.
I am no longer young enough to delight in definitions. I don't need to. I am content with mystery. By that I do not mean confusion, but simply accepting God's pleasure to hide things. After all it is “the glory of God to conceal a matter, to search out a matter is the glory of kings.” (Prov. 25:2) I am content with mystery, in fact I welcome it. I no longer feel safe to live like a pseudo-scientific Christian. I no longer find any pleasure in analyzing every little information, whether it pertains to the Scriptures or knowledge in general.
The fact that thunder can be explained like the natural phenomenon that it is doesn't make it less terrifying when I hear it. I still imagine battles in the sky.
The fact that you tell me light is nothing but electromagnetic radiation within the portion of the electromagnetic spectrum that is perceived by the human eye, doesn't make me less impressed with it. I still see it as an entity.
The fact that you can tell me Jesus is the propitiation for my sin and use all theology to describe it to me doesn't make it more unbelievable. I still tremble every time I think of Him enduring everything until the very end just to have me. So no, definitions don't do anything for me anymore. I want to be in awe and at peace with the knowledge that my limited understanding can never comprehend Him. It's scary at times, but I will put up with a little scare for the sake of not losing my fascination with everything He is. People can explain the beginning until their blue in the face and some brave psychologist can even venture to explain my beginning but I will not let it rob me of the fact that it was a miracle!
Definitions do nothing but steal away the pure childish joy. And I want to remain forever amazed. I want to acknowledge Him in all my ways, in everything I experience and not just explain everything away as chance or anything else. I want to see miracles in everything from the most random thing, to the most complex, from the most explainable to the undefinable.
Just as much as I don't want science to explain everything to me, I don't want theology to explain every spiritual thing to me either. I don't want to be like those that have heard the voice from heaven in John 12:28-29. Instead of falling on their knees and praising God because it was clear what had happened, they started to define it, 'I think it was a thunder, no it was an angel talking to Him'. Quick explanations based on whatever people have concluded after their 'laborious' examination: here it is! Instead of bowing down to worship they robbed themselves of the joy by quickly trying to define it. I am more concerned with the honor bestowed upon me, that HE SPOKE rather than how He spoke. That because He spoke I have become something. Whatever I am, I am through His grace and that is what I will focus on.
If I reduce my life with Him to hermeneutics or exegesis or homiletics, even to doxology, or anything else you might think of, then what's the point? As useful as I find theology and all its disciplines and sub-disciplines, it hardly offers me intimacy with God. In all fairness all my studying, both past and present, has nothing to do with Him as a person, but simply my vanity. And oh, I am vain. Knowledge makes one boastful. It puffs up. And I have to admit it, to my everlasting shame, I am proud.
Simone Weill said it best, “An inteligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell.”
We are limited to the cell of our physicality. We know and understand in part (1 Cor.13:9) Reason is useful and to some people even advisable, but reason is limited. I am to love The One who spoke into my nothingness with all my mind, all my soul and strength. Loving Him with only one of these is incomplete at best and impossible at worst. Because none of these faculties is infallible. My mind can only explain the mechanics of this love. It can dress it up in concepts, principles and precepts. I love to think and I will use my reason to love Him with it, but not just with it. My mind can only go so far when trying to love Him because it can do so only by comprehending Him and it can never do so. So I will reason my way into intimacy with Him fully aware reason will never keep me there.
Inspired comes from the Latin inspirare, breathe in. Originally used for a supernatural being imparting a truth or an idea to someone. I need Him to inspire me to be like Him. I am inspired when I love Him. And if His Spirit truly lives inside me, then it will inspire me to act, think in a manner pleasing to Him. Even more, it will inspire me to come up with new and creative ways in which to see Him or serve Him. It will point only to Him. It will not appeal to my vanity and it will not be concerned with how foolish I'll look while I sit there at His feet. It will take my mind, my heart and my strength and focus only on loving Him.
So I will become foolish in the eyes of the world and be like a child in constant wonder of every little experience I have with Him.
I'll hear in every rustle of leaves armies marching (2 Sam. 5:23-24). I'll see in every little cloud and answer to a prayer (1 Kings 18:44) I'll see in every little stone a weapon to defeat giants with. (1 Sam. 17) I'll see in every stranger an angel visiting me (Genesis 18).
Will that make me look like an idiot to the 'academics' of this age? Oh, I have no doubt! But I'm alright with that 😁.
---- by Cristina Pop
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