My understanding

 All day today, I had this Scripture on my mind:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (Prov. 3:5-6)

At first it felt like a pebble in my shoe, so I decided to extract said pebble and examine it for a while.

I have heard those verses all my life. Whenever I questioned something about God, the world or me, it was always shoved in my face as a different way of saying 'don't think about it. It's not important that you understand, just think of God and everything will become clear.' And it's a cute theory, but I don't think that's what it means or how things work.

I don't think it's an encouragement to be simple minded. It doesn't mean 'don't try to understand'. I want to understand. In fact I am quite useless in any situation if I don't understand whatever it is that the situation is or what it's required of me in that situation. Not understanding something equals confusion. Ergo, I do not like being confused. But in all honesty, I have been in many situations where, try as I might, I couldn't make sense of things. Try as I might, I couldn't see God's good plans for me. However I looked at a situation, twisted or turned it around, make it sit on its head against the entire Scriptures, I still didn't understand. Those are the times when I chose to recall these verses. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Leaning implies a certain inability to sit up straight, or walk straight. So you lean usually against something or someone that can support you. When whatever understanding you have just leaves you a trembling mess at the bottom of whatever happens to hit you, you just decide to stop supporting yourself on that understanding and lean on something that can actually support you. Recklessly, against all self preservation instincts, you reach out and grab onto The Lord.

If you're anything like me, it will seem insane because you KNOW this is not how things work. You've done the math, it doesn't add up. But if there's any seed of faith in you and if you want to keep on walking, you will lean on Him instead of whatever it is you KNOW.

I saw a movie once. A barn caught fire and the farmer ran to go and save the horses. But whenever he was pulling them forward to get out to safety, the horses would pull back because the flames looked bigger than the possibility of freedom. So the farmer wrapped a scarf around the horses' eyes and saved them. That's the mental picture I have every time I wish to lean on The Lord instead of my own understanding. I see the flames and I know I'll perish if I don't move. I see the flames and I know they will eat me up. I know that if I look at what I KNOW is certain death I won't move. So I use a blindfold and extend my hand and trust that He will not let me burn, but guide me to safety.

I don't plan to walk blindfolded through life. I can use my judgement in most situations. In fact it is advised. But when everything fails. Even my ability to differentiate between night and day. When all I want is crawl under a rock and cry about the injustice of life, I chose to blindfold myself and let Him guide me like a blind person, because He knows how much the fire scares me. I am not blind. He knows I am not blind. But I blindfold my understanding until the fire pases. 

by Cristina Pop