Still true

 

 

I was reminded today of a poem I wrote on the 13^th of February 2013 – Mai bine tac, Better I keep silent – and I’ve decided to translate it and post it here.

 

Mai bine tac – Better I keep silent

 

M-ai iubit încă de la început,

You’ve loved me from the beginning,

Nu Te-ai uitat la mine că eram doar lut.

You didn’t care that I was only clay,

Visele mele goale, de Tine le-ai umplut

You’ve filled my empty dreams with Yourself,

Și pașii mei desculți pe Calea Ta i-ai vrut.

And my barefoot steps You’ve wanted on Your Way.

 

Că toate mă strigau 'napoi nu Ți-a păsat,

You didn’t care that everything was calling me to turn back,

Că tot priveam în urmă nu Te-a descurajat,

You were not discouraged that I kept looking behind,

M-ai curățit ca pentru prima oară de câte ori păcatul m-a pătat

Every time sin stained me You’ve cleansed me as if it was the first time,

Și cu ochi noi m-ai privit de câte ori m-am lepădat.

And You’ve watched me with renewed gaze every time I’ve betrayed You.

 

Că eu voiam să-mi fie soare când aveam nevoie de ploi,

That I wanted sunshine when I needed rain,

Că eu voiam să-mi fie pace când trebuia să lupt în război,

That I wanted peace in the middle of fighting a war,

Că aveam inima plină de lume și ochii de Tine goi:

That my heart was filled with the world and my eyes empty of You:

Nu Te-a oprit nimic să vii după mine-n noroi.

None of that stopped You from coming after me in the mud.

 

Acum să-Ți spun că Te iubesc? - mai bine tac...

And now, should I tell You ‘I love You?’ Better I keep silent…

Nu-mi pasă oricât doare voia Ta s-o fac

I don’t care how much it hurts to do Your will,

Și orice legătură cu lumea mi-o desfac,

I untie everything that ties me to this world,

Nu-mi trebuie veșminte-mpărătești, Te pot urma și-n sac.

I don’t need kingly robes, I can follow You even in sackcloth.

 

Bat Melech בת מלך

 Cristina כריסטינה

 

Heard

 

“A song of ascents. Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD; Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.” – Psalm 130:1-2

I kept reciting those words today. Stuck on repeat. Like a crazy person grasping at straws grasping for… I don’t really know what. Not relief, not deliverance, maybe just acknowledgement. I know with every functioning neuron in my brain that God is attentive to His children’s cry, but sometimes my heart wants to feel heard, seen, acknowledged. I caught myself telling The Lord, “You said, Your sheep know Your voice and they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice. (John 10:4-5)… but do You recognize my voice from a billion other voices? Even when it breaks on Your Name? Is my voice grating, like a petulant child that You just want to shut up or…?” and before I could finish my thought, I remembered Kasatka and Takara. Two orcas in captivity at a Sea world park. Kasatka is the mother and Takara is the calf. The park decided to separate them and moved Takara to another park in Florida. While they were loading up Takara and carrying her away, Kasatka, the mother, began to wail. In fact, the vocals she made have never been heard before and the park had to bring in the senior research scientists to analyse the vocals. They were low range vocals that no one had ever heard before in an attempt to locate her calf and communicate with it. I remembered the exact scene in the documentary, (Blackfish) because I thought it was heartbreaking. And it suddenly hit me. If an orca will go to such lengths to reach her calf, my God, my Lord, my Father, is infinitely stronger and more determined than an orca to reach me. My Father rides across the heavens to help me, as soon as He hears, He answers me, whether I understand it or not.

“There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty.” Deuteronomy 33:26

“How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.” – Isaiah 30:19

My Father doesn’t make low range vocals to get me to understand He’s with me, but He uses everything at His disposal to let me know He’s with me. Every image I’ve ever seen, every word I’ve ever heard, every book I’ve ever read, a rock, a flower, a star, nothing is off limits. He uses everything to let me know I’m loved.

“In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.” – Psalm 31:22

 

By Cristina Pop